breaking free from the "not good enough" mindset
In today’s episode of the Creative Strings Podcast, I’m joined by Dr. Ellen Hendriksen, a clinical psychologist, author, and expert on self-acceptance. Her latest book, How to Be Enough: Self-Acceptance for Self-Critics and Perfectionists, dives into the psychology of perfectionism—a topic that resonates deeply with musicians, teachers, and creative professionals.
Perfectionism often holds musicians back, creating an unnecessary burden of self-criticism and impossible standards. In this conversation, we explore the roots of perfectionism, how it manifests in music, and strategies to overcome it while fostering a healthy mindset for growth.
Table of Contents
watch our Interview
what is perfectionism?
Dr. Hendriksen defines perfectionism as the tendency to demand a level of performance higher than what is necessary for the situation. While this drive for excellence can produce remarkable results, it often tips into unhealthy perfectionism characterized by two pillars:
- Self-Criticism – Harsh, personalistic inner dialogue that undermines self-worth.
- Over-Evaluation – Conflating performance with self-worth, such as believing “I did bad, therefore I am bad.”
For musicians, this often translates into feeling only as good as their last performance or obsessing over minute flaws others may not notice.
Perfectionism in Musicians
Perfectionism does not discriminate by skill level—both amateur and professional musicians struggle with it. Dr. Hendriksen discusses how perfectionism is not about striving for perfection but rather about never feeling good enough.
Musicians may hyper-focus on their mistakes, view feedback as personal criticism, or set impossibly high standards for themselves. Even legendary performers like Alan Holdsworth have admitted to struggling with feelings of inadequacy despite their groundbreaking contributions to music.
Strategies to Combat Perfectionism
Dr. Hendriksen shares practical strategies to combat the harmful effects of perfectionism:
- Shift Focus to Specifics:
Record your practice sessions and evaluate specific elements like intonation, rhythm, or articulation. By quantifying your performance, you can avoid the all-or-nothing mindset. - Normalize Mistakes:
Allow yourself a “quota” of errors and view them as part of the learning process. No one is flawless, not even the most experienced professionals. - Adopt Self-Compassion:
Treat yourself as you would a good friend. Self-compassion doesn’t have to be words—it can be actions like giving yourself rest, celebrating small wins, or skipping the gym when you’re exhausted.
Cognitive Defusion:
Recognize self-critical thoughts for what they are—thoughts, not facts. Use techniques like humor or visualization to distance yourself from them.
Perfectionism in Different Contexts
Musicians encounter perfectionism differently depending on their roles:
- Amateurs: Should embrace the freedom to experiment and make mistakes as part of the learning process.
- Teachers: May struggle with perfectionistic self-presentation, fearing vulnerability in front of students. Showing the “mess” can humanize educators and foster trust.
Music Entrepreneurs: Often feel held back by perfectionism in marketing, sales, or launching new projects. Accepting that not every effort will be perfect can pave the way for growth.
Overcoming Perfectionism
Perfectionism can be a significant barrier to growth and joy as a musician, teacher, or creative professional. By shifting your perspective, embracing mistakes, and practicing self-compassion, you can break free from its constraints and focus on what truly matters—your growth and fulfillment.
To dive deeper into these concepts, pick up Dr. Hendriksen’s latest book, How to Be Enough: Self-Acceptance for Self-Critics and Perfectionists. For additional tips and tools, visit EllenHendriksen.com.
About Our Guest: Dr. Ellen Hendriksen
Dr. Ellen Hendriksen is a renowned clinical psychologist, speaker, and author specializing in anxiety and perfectionism. A graduate of Brown University with a Ph.D. from UCLA, she is a faculty member at Boston University’s Center for Anxiety and Related Disorders. Her first book, How to Be Yourself: Quiet Your Inner Critic and Rise Above Social Anxiety, has been widely acclaimed. Through her writing, speaking, and podcast appearances, Dr. Hendriksen empowers individuals to overcome self-doubt and thrive in their personal and professional lives.
Sponsored by Electric Violin Shop. For all things electric strings, visit ElectricViolinShop.com